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Xena Warrior Business

A mighty podcast forged in the heat of conversation. Xena Warrior Princess fans Chris Sims and Allison Stock are joined by delightful guests every other week to watch every episode of the iconic nineties show and analyze what made it so endearing. They also discuss just what, exactly, about Xena makes her a princess. The power, the passion, the danger... this podcast will change the world.
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Xena Warrior Business
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Dec 11, 2018

Mere weeks after discussing the Xena XXX Porn Parody, Chris and Ally are flustered yet again with an unabashedly horny episode of Xena -- perhaps the horniest episode yet! Karl Urban's protruding wings and a suspiciously sentient baby kick off all kinds of hijinks. And at the end, your happy hosts offer a hearty HUZZAH (in ADR) to the end of season 2. Thanks for listening, guys. See you in 2019!

We watched Xena Warrior Business Season 2, episode 22: A COMEDY OF EROS

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Nov 27, 2018

This episode makes Allison happy, because it's filled with boat stuff, and makes Chris aprehensive because boat stuff sounds a bit like... some other stuff, the likes of which we discussed in our latest Gabbysode. But in this episode, we get a pre-Pirates of the Caribbean story about cursed pirates, with so much nautical stuff to think of you barely notice that Xena's budget had completely run out. Also, Xena does her biggest flip of the entire series!

We watched Xena Warrior Business Season 2, episode 21: THE LOST MARINER.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Nov 13, 2018

You guys. It's time. Carlos VonDracula and his asexual pal are finally ready to talk about XXXena, aka Xena XXX, aka, THE XENA PORN. With a runtime of 2 hours and 47 minutes, this porn parody has everything! Creaking leather! Butt stuff! Everyone keeping their shoes ON during sex! Chris and Allison also discuss the nature of porn itself, and their own ideas for Xena porn parodies. And yes, in case anyone was wondering, this episode IS explicit. Just remember: you guys asked for this!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

 

Oct 16, 2018

Here's a nice, fun episode about nice, fun things: colonialism and PTSD! While Gabrielle is off discovering Charles Darwin's theory of evolution, Xena is reconnecting with her dark side. Special guest Marlene Thompson (@Marlene_Isabell) joins us to discover what happens when friends stop being friends and start being mean (and also racist).

We watched Xena Warrior Business Season 2, episode 20: THE PRICE.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Oct 2, 2018

This is the story of how Xena un-fucks the Odyssey. Aka, There And Back Again: A Ulysses Tale. Chris and Ally are joined by special guest, ancient greek historical expert and parent of the year DAN CASSINO (@dancassino)! That's right; he's decided to forgo the actual Dan Scrolls this time and just show up in person. Honestly, there's a lot Homer could have learned from Xena, and on this episode, we unpack it all! But basically, all you need to know going in is that you don't need a boat if you're already home!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Sep 18, 2018

So this episode ended up being a bit of a snooze, so Chris and Ally invite special guest Javier Grillo-Marxuach (@OKBJGM) to talk about the Xena reboot that could have been! While trying not to get sidetracked into talking about Star Trek, we discuss mutual bathing, the complicated properties of Sumac, Xena as YOGURT (yep!), and how Xena Warrior Princess was a show for weird nerds before television started catering TO weird nerds. Bands are named and formed, papyrus is invented, and we also discuss why a crowded comic con is a GOOD comic con.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Sep 5, 2018

This is Lucy Lawless's first episode of THE ENTIRE SEASON where she's back in fighting form, and special guest Amanda Meadows (@amandonium) joins us to celebrate the occasion. This episode brings back Gabby's old friend Meleager, but it also brings up a ton of timeline inconsistencies. When Meleager is sentenced to death by a messy bitch who lives for the drama aka a reputably fair judge, Xena and Gabrielle are faced with a dilemma. Gabrielle, who can see the good in people, is convinced that Meleager is innocent. However, Xena has Seen Some Shit, and is torn between trusting her instincts and trusting her friend.

CW: this episode includes some talk about alcoholism/addiction.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Aug 7, 2018

Last episode gave us a day in the life of Xena and Gabrielle. This episode gave us a day in the life... of Joxer, canon incel and total dweeb. At least until a bell rings, turning him into either Danny Kaye, Errol Flynn, or Handsome Squidward from that episode when he got hit in the face and got really handsome. We're still figuring it out. Special guest Rebecca Reuland (@Cmmndrshepard) joins us to bear witness the debut of the COMPLETE Joxer theme song, which we've only heard in snatches until now. We also get APHRODITE, who is like, TOTALLY awesome. And Karl Urban is also here, because where else would be be?

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jul 24, 2018

From fangirl to beloved wife, Gabrielle has gone through a considerable glow-up. This Valentine's Day episode does exactly what it says on the tin, documenting just a normal day in the life of living with a living legent, aka, domestic bliss with Xena and Gabrielle, two married wives who love each other. Special guest Ally Brinken (@AllyBrinken) returns as we ask if it's really possible to cook with Xena's juices and make fun of Gabrielle's very obvious praise kink. Pour one out for Gabrielle's frying pan, though. We'll be talking about Season 2, Episode 15 of Xena Warrior Princess: A Day in the Life, which is arguably one of the best episodes of the entire show!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jul 10, 2018

What's better than an immortal god who hates you? TWO immortal gods who hates you! Hope you like low-budget mysticism, because this episode is full of it! Chris and Ally are joined by special guest Sheila Villari (@KittinExploits) to find out why, exactly, the Amazons don't throw parades. With Lucy Lawless still recovering from an injury, we that screentime's gotta go somewhere! Callisto is immortal (which happens on Hercules, so nobody really cares), but more importantly, Velaska survived and got herself some of that boob jello, too! Now she's the goddess of pickles. Yep. Join us as we dive into Necessary Evil, a necessary episode of Xena Warrior Princess that we have to talk about, I guess.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jun 27, 2018

Show's over, folks. Xena, the warrior princess, is dead. We are joined by special guest James D'Amato (@OneShotRPG), a noted fan of kissing. He brings with him the spirit of gaming as we discuss the D&D-friendly themes that appear on the show, and in this particular episode. Autolycus, the king of thieves, shows up, channeling the spirit of Xena, while Gabrielle channels the spirit of a dom. We also discuss what our coffinsonas would look like. Coffins that look exactly like us, that is. Let go and hold on, listeners, because when the lips are lockin', don't come a knockin'!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jun 12, 2018

There's a ton of firsts in this episode! The first time Xena was crucified, the first time Xena DIES and THE FIRST TIME XENA USED THE PINCH!! It also marks the first appearance of baby Karl Urban's 2nd role on the show... Julius Caesar! Special guest Shannon Manor (@shannonmanor) joins us to watch this fever dream unfold, where the focus turns from mythology to actual history, because apparently Julius Caesar really was ransomed by pirates, who he really did crucify afterwards. Buckle the f**k up, Hades. The ripples of Lucy Lawless's broken pelvis are still felt in this episode, and we are also FINALLY able to pin down exactly when in history Xena Warrior Princess actually takes place!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

May 30, 2018

Coming down from Chris's favorite episode of Xena, we now have the episode that Chris was dreading the most! The mainstream media didn't really know the difference between being trans and doing drag, so we're going to do our best to clarify! Special guest Ashley Rogers (@LucretiaDear4) us to discuss the history of drag and the safe space it presented for the trans community in the 90s... but we also spend plenty of time making fun of some very unfortunate ribbon twirling.

"If she fucked that snake, I would have binged the season!" -Ashley

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

May 15, 2018

We’re perpetuating the war on Christmas by skipping A Solstice Carol (because we already talked about it last year) and jumping right into The Xena Scrolls, Chris’s ultimate favorite episode of Xena Warrior Princess! Special guest Annie Craton (@anniezard) returns to help us figure out if this episode is an actual clip show, or just a show with clips. But whatever it is, we know it DID inspire the entire concept of uber fic. And has Ally finally found a replacement for her Lymond obsession? FIND OUT NOW!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

May 2, 2018

When Lucy Lawless fell off a horse, Hudson Leick took the reins! That's right, it's a Xena in Callisto's body episode, where we learn that the opposite of war isn't peace: it's losing your goddamn mind and starting a brawl over some discounted fishcakes. We are joined by special guest Alex Vernon, who once made her own Xena costume! Also... exactly what is the worthless piece of a centaur?

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Apr 18, 2018

Chris and Ally are joined by special guest Ashley Anderson, who knows more about Xena Warrior Princess than any of you. Xena and Callisto have switched bodies and Joxer's getting into shibari, so it's tropes all around! Callisto's trying to make good on her promise to kill everything Xena loves (even her horse), Gabrielle is insightful as always, and Hudson Leick certainly does attempt the warcry. She sure tries.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Apr 3, 2018

This episode features not one, not two, but THREE Lucys Lawless. Special guest Susana Polo (@NerdGerhl) helps Chris and Ally identify who is the polite one, who is the slutty one, and who is the one who can do flips. Some new evidence is brought to the table in the great debate about Gabrielle's hair color, some more important ancient greeks get shafted for the sake of a syndicated television show, and the Xena foley artists truly earn their keep.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Mar 30, 2018

Just what the internet needs - a man explaining some nerdy thing to a woman. Ally hasn't been too keen on comics lately. Fortunately, Chris knows a lot about comics! In this patreon-funded bonus episode, Chris tells Ally about The Marriage of Hercules and Xena. YUP! It's a thing. Try not to cringe too hard.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness
 
Mar 21, 2018

Hudson Leick and her outie are back for this iconic episode: The Return of Callisto! But have you heardicus? Guess who’s ALSO back: It’s Perdicus! It’s reunions left and right here as Gabrielle, uh, marries her old boyfriend??? We learn that if you give a Greg an inch, he’ll Greg up a whole mile. But what is a Greg? Why, it’s what we call the one-off, disposable love interests used as the wedge that politically correct 90s television just loved to jam between Xena and Gabrielle. And who better to join us for this ultimate Gregisode than the original Greg himself: Greg Musselman (@Eurogerg), who, as a martial artist, has actually seen the pinch done in real life! We also have some thoughts on Joxer’s relationship with THE FRIEND ZONE, because why not.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Mar 7, 2018

There are no New Zealand actors on Black Sails (that we know of), but that doesn’t stop us from having Daphne Olive (@daphneolive) as our guest! In this episode, we learn that you don’t have to become a lesbian if you already ARE a lesbian. Bacchus/Dionysus is the myth du jour, and between coding, the social climate of the late 90s, and men controlling the narrative of women’s sexuality, there’s a lot to unpack. There's also some glorious 90s trip hop, as Daphne relives her 20s and Ally relives her days in the Matrix fandom. But mostly, it's just us rolling our eyes at the old dated belief that the gas are out to convert the straights.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Feb 21, 2018

Psst. We heard that Jonathan had an 8 pack... that Jonathan was shredded. Oh, don't you remember Jonathan, the biblical hero of the, um, uh... children of Abraham? No? Well, you probably think giants don't exist either! That they're just taller-than-average dudes in some nice armor. Bet you didn't know about ARISTOTLE'S DEATH RAY either! Ally and Chris are joined once again by Kel McDonald (@kelhound) to psalmsplain this biblical episode and talk about everyone's favorite subject: religion!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Feb 6, 2018

Join us, folks, as Xena Warrior Business crosses over the line into the dark web! From Capoeira ruffians to Ally schooling two grown men on Renaissance Faire style clothing, if you love women chanting in the fields, this is the episode for you! Special guest David Isaac (@DCDariusknight) joins us as Xena gives up being a warrior for the sake of a dead brother, and offers up a brand new way to pronounce the warrior princess's name!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jan 16, 2018

Vacation's over, pals, and we're back with everything you've been waiting for: MORE CENTAURS!! And yet another barely-adequate child actor who's appeared on The Tribe. Stephen Gaulin (@StephenGaulin) returns to help us as we kick back, relax, brush up on our horse anatomy, and prepare to get stoned. IXION stoned, that is! If you think giving birth to a baby ends once the baby is out, THINK AGAIN.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Dec 27, 2017
Well, the holiday season is upon is, so Chris and Ally have decided to watch and discuss the only Christmas-y episode there is of Hercules the Legendary Journeys. The episode is called 'A Star to Guide Them,' and honestly? It sucks. But Chris explains some more to Ally about the story of Christmas ("Listen... there's a lot of baby roundups going on."), geography is considered, styrofoam props are reused, and honestly... what is the deal with those three guys who GOTTA GO NORTH? It's probably the most passive Hercules has ever been, and the struggle is real. Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!!! And remember - Kevin Sorbo is still an ignorant antisemite!
 
Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness
 
Dec 6, 2017

Well, we finally made it. It's the end of season 1, where Chris and Ally learn that you're never REALLY friends until you've both died in each other's arms. This episode has some wonderful highs, tempered by some pretty heinous lows. There's also a human woman giving birth to a centaur child, aka GIVING BIRTH TO A HORSE. There's also a post mortem on season 1, where we ask the big question: IS SEASON 1 EVEN WORTH WATCHING? There is also an original song featured at the end of this episode!!! Yes!!! It's true!!!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

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