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Xena Warrior Business

A mighty podcast forged in the heat of conversation. Xena Warrior Princess fans Chris Sims and Allison Stock are joined by delightful guests every other week to watch every episode of the iconic nineties show and analyze what made it so endearing. They also discuss just what, exactly, about Xena makes her a princess. The power, the passion, the danger... this podcast will change the world.
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Xena Warrior Business
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Sep 27, 2017

In a special Marvel edition of the podcast, Ally is joined by Laura Kammerman (laurizzlek) and Andrea Towers (_atowers), her friends from work! The women of marvel (not sponsored by Women of Marvel) talk about how Xena was challenging gender roles in the nineties, and things get personal when it comes to abandonment, self confidence, and relating to Xena as a strong and powerful woman. You better believe that Xena is more than just a "strong female character" trope on legs. Also, both of this episode's guests have been touched by greatness, as they have met both Hudson Leick (Callisto) and Lucky goddamn Lawless herself. Tune in to hear all the juicy details!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Sep 13, 2017

This is an episode of firsts for Xena. It is the first interpretation of a bible story (oh boy). It is the first time Xena and Gabrielle bathe together. It is the first (and last) time we hear anyone talk about how much kids love nut bread. It is also the first appearance of Karl Urban, this show's most prolific guest actor, in his least memorable role as Farmer With The Heart of Coal. We are joined by Kit Walker (@inferiorwit) the prolific podcast host who unfortunately has a lot of Chris and Ally's JAR BUSINESS to put up with. Nevertheless, Karl Urban is finally here, and so now the show can finally get on with being the Xena Warrior Princess that we all know and love. Oh, and also Gabrielle can talk to rocks. This episode makes it canon. IT IS REAL!!! And then Lymond gets a headache.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Sep 4, 2017
It's our second Gabbysode, where we tackle the world of Xenaphemera that exists outside of the actual show. After former guest Cathy Leamy (@metrokitty) mentioned the concept, Chris and Allison decided to figure out a little more about Uberfic. The concept, inspired by the Xena episode THE XENA SCROLLS, imagines Xena and Gabrielle reincarnated throughout time, space and even species! If you ever wanted to see what Xena and Gabrielle would be like as a businesswoman and a ghost, or as a firefighter and a trailer park resident, or TREES, then Uberfic might be for you! AU fanfiction (Alternate Universe) is also discussed, along with tropes, personal preference, and whether or not Uberfic is actually canon!
 
Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness
 
Aug 29, 2017

It's Home Alone IV: Lost in New Greeceland! Vegetarians beware, because Ally has some beef on this Gabrielle-centric episode of Xena. We learn what "Gabby Style!" entails, and, spoiler alert, it's just hitting dudes in the crotch with sticks. For this episode, Chris and Ally got themselves and actual Irishman, Nathan Stockman (@stockmannate), an authority on red hair, to set the record straight once and for all on Gabrielle's hair color. But most important of all: my kingdom for a coverage tree!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Aug 15, 2017

He wears green, he steals things, he's Robin Hood with a Greek name: AUTOLYCUS IS HERE! Lovingly portrayed by Bruce Campbell, the King of thieves breathes life into this wonderful episode with his first appearance on Xena Warrior Princess. Bonus points go to our special guest, Chad Bowers (@ChadBowers), who had two sleeping children and still managed to yodel at least six times for us. This episode contains a really good villain, a deep dive into how people got in touch before phones were invented, Allison discovering what innuendo is, lots of dumpy hats, and a dude getting lightsaber'd through the chest with a fireball. It's Season 1 Episode 17 of Xena: The Royal Couple of Thieves, and by the way, did Xena invent rock candy?

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Aug 1, 2017

Of all the episodes to turn upsettingly horny, Chris didn’t think this was going to be the one. Oh, well. This episode marks a return of Marcus, Xena's road not taken. Xena sees firsthand the repercussions of a life of wickedness, and that her acts of good might not actually be enough to redeem her. Also, Hades has a dog skin helmet of invisibility. We're joined by Annie Craton (@anniezard) of podcasts The Jem Jam and I Will Fight You.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jul 19, 2017

Xena has many skills. Xena also has many twins. This episode introduces the first of many dopplegangers to come, with the unexpected added bonus of a side-Greg to Greg things up. Chris and Allison learn about the history of bread and cheese as a meal, along with how to be a convincing Xena (stop crying). There's a fountain phallus, there's some stuff about horses' tails, and there's the softest molotov cocktail you'll ever see. We are joined by Sailor Business all-star guest, Artlee King Vasquez (@theonlyartlee), who is a champion of humor and insight, and who refuses to take shit from both Xena Warrior Princess AND Xena Warrior Business.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jul 5, 2017

If ever there was a time to google Ambrosia Salad, now, dear listeners, is that time. Here's a question: if New Zealand is an Island, and that Island has treature on it, and Thirst Trap, Log Lady, and Tummy Palace go on a treasure hunt on New Zealand, is this episode based on Treasure Island?? Cathy Leamy (@metrokitty) joins us, bringing her expertise of Ye Olde 90's-and-early-oughts Internet, as well as a prior knowledge of having VISITED WHOOSH DOT ORG!!! Uber fic, Forever Knight and Due South are discussed, many beaded curtains are parted and walked through, and Allison finally gets sick of a joke! Search your memory tummy for clues!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

 

Jun 29, 2017
Saddle up, listeners! It's time for our very first Gabbysode, where we tackle the world of Xenaphemera that exists outside the actual show. This time, by popular request, Chris and Allison are doing a deep dive into a popular piece of Xena erotic fan-fiction, but also talking about the importance of fanfic to XWP fandom and fandom at large, as well as the impact it's had on their own lives. Tune in for all that, plus a discussion of what might be the worst possible lube we've ever even heard of!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

 

 
Jun 21, 2017

Chrisicus Allisonyus, the expert critic, discusses the nature of television in those wild, syndicated, pre-streaming, pre-binging years. While network shows got regular runs and regular timeslots, syndicated television was like the wild west: unpredictable, and needing a clip show to catch viewers up to what they might have missed. We ask deep questions, like: What could Xena have done to improve the storyline if she'd been allowed to actually participate in this episode? Was Homer rushing, or was he dragging? But more importantly, is Gabrielle actually good at storytelling? The answers may surprise you! We are joined by actual bard Matt D. Wilson (@TheMattDWilson) of War Rocket Ajax and Movie Fighters podcasts. Also, this episode broke Dan Cassino! He just couldn't even.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

 

Jun 6, 2017

This week on Captive Princeness (that's Prince Business, not Princess), Chris Sims, the Prince of Podcasting, is stripped of his title, left for dead, and sent to cohost a Xena podcast with Allison Stock, the small, angry, blonde one. Actually, it's another lackluster season 1 episode of Xena. This episode has everything! Facts about comic book writers writing for 90s TV! The return of sounds courtesy of Tom's Xena Page! And let's face it, the moment you've all been waiting for: THE RETURN OF PERDICAS A.K.A. GREG!!!!!! We are also joined by self proclaimed Season 1 apologist Steve Gaulin (@ehsteve88)!!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

 

May 24, 2017

Hello, my friends! We've got a very special episode in store for you tonight! Join us as we discuss a rare, never-before seen episode of Xena, Warrior Princess, entitled Chris [Sims] Gets Married.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

May 10, 2017

In their discussion of this very forgettable but actually pretty good episode, Chris mistakes Allison (a library of Alexandria truther) for a flat earther! Anyway... you've grown legendary! Join us to analyze this very roomy dungeon filled with very thirsty bisexuals, where justice is dealt unto those who make rape jokes swiftly and by sword-wielding ninjas. We get to meet some characters from Xena's dark past--actually, no, wait, Xena's rather nice past, actually. Also... what’s up with Gabrielle’s shitty, shitty hat? We're joined by by New Zealand accent aficionado James D’Amato (@OneShotRPG) of Campaign and the One Shot Podcast.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

 

Apr 26, 2017

Hey Amazon, wanna go for a ride? We're finally in double digits all around, friends, so you know what that means. Time for Chris and Allison to behold a TRIUMPH of special effects artistry, a horse... that's also a dude. We've got a rectangle wrapped in hair (a centaur), the word of the day (tatty), and maybe the worst facial hair in the history of television. Anyway, they're women, they're horses, they're centaurs, they're men: YOU GET IT! We're joined by special guest Emma Lawson (@emmalawson), a librarian and fellow ComicAlliance friend! 

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Apr 11, 2017

If ever you needed a reminder that Chris and Ally are still slogging through season one, Gabrielle throws herself at yet another shitty Greg in the second episode in a row featuring a deity chained up somewhere. Only this time, instead of resulting in everyone's untimely death, now NOBODY can die. Their levels of pain and suffering may vary, but one fact remains: that this episode should probably have been called Death in CHAIR. So, come. Sit. Enjoy a sumptuous feast of earthly delights.

We are joined by Elle Collins (@AnotherElle)!!! An expert in podcasting, they raise interesting points (queer people love Xena!) and ask tough questions (does Xena actually have super powers??). Elle, you remain the best.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Mar 29, 2017

It's the crossover you demanded--or at least, somebody demanded it and we know it wasn't us--as Hercules and Iolaus join up with Xena and Gabrielle for an adventure of... TITANIC proportions. Get it? GET IT? 

That's right, everyone, Xena and Hercules have to rescue Prometheus, and along the way, Kel McDonald (@kellhound) joins us to talk about Gabby's role as a consolation prize in the show's least believable romance, sexy oracles that look like Artemis from IASIP, and Xena's greatest challenge: Twitter Eggs! Plus, you'll find out what ABDL means, because if we have to know it, so do you.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Mar 15, 2017

Good Morning! Good Night! Athens! Make sure you're pronouncing that correctly so that you can wake up the newest episode of Xena Warrior Business! Christa Rodriguez (@PaleAngelLex) joins Allison and Chris for Xena Season 1, Episode 7: "The Titans," featuring a plot in which Gabrielle's virginity is literally more important than the person the show is named for.  Listen in as we discuss the slow evolution of the characters into what they're meant to be and introduce our readers to the Sensational Character Find of 2017: Crystal Rose of Athens! Also, please be sure to let us know if our new segment - Xena's ASMR Corner - ticks all your boxes with regards to that special tingly ASMR feeling!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Mar 1, 2017

Get ready for a landmark episode, as we watch the first appearance of Ares! Well, not the FIRST first appearance, but... Listen, it's complicated, and not just because we're trying to figure out why the God of War has such a terrible goatee. Xena is framed for a crime she didn't commit, and might just end up being punished for crimes she DID commit instead? Special guest Ally Brinken (@AllyBrinken) joins us as Gabrielle goes full Phoenix Wright for "The Reckoning!" 

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Feb 14, 2017

We took the road less traveled by...but we just couldn't cut it!! This week, special guest Lucas Brown (@lokified) joins us to talk about The Path Not Taken, aka: 'Gyna on the Roof, aka The Princess Bride But Boring, an episode of Xena Warrior Princess that must have been a spec script that they just... felt like shooting, for some reason.  There's a sex joke in the first minute, though. Also, Allison had to cut about an hour of her ranting about a certain figure skating anime from this episode so as not to give you three hours of content to listen to, oh boy.

Be sure to keep listening after our sign-off for a special segment, courtesy of Lucas Brown. On his podcast, The Math of You, he creates cocktails inspired by his guests. He blessed us with not one but TWO cocktails inspired by the episode of Xena we all discussed together. Recipes are as follows:

The Red-Headed Bard

Sweet, bubbly and always ready for adventure, and befits the Battling Bard of Potidaea.

  • 1/2oz vodka
  • 1/2oz ouzo
  • 1oz creme de cassis
  • 2oz lemon-lime soda

Combine vodka, ouzo and cassis in a shaker of ice and shake vigorously. Strain into a cocktail glass and top up with lemon-lime soda.

B-Side: The Argo

Kicks like a goddamn horse. Keep it handy if you need to blow fire at someone to make them give up.

  • 1oz vodka
  • 1oz brandy
  • 1oz bourbon
  • 1/2oz ouzo
  • 1oz orange juice
  • 2oz lemon-lime soda

Combine orange juice, vodka, brandy, bourbon and ouzo in a shaker of ice and shake vigorously. Strain into a cocktail glass and top up with lemon-lime soda. Consume... carefully.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Feb 1, 2017

This week, special guest Elisabeth Dubois (@elisedubois) joins us to talk about Cradle of Hope, an episode that is shockingly not about the baby Gabrielle's going to have with a Lovecraftian Elder God in season 3. Uh, spoiler warning, I guess? Instead, we get a half-assed take on the Secret Origin of Moses, with Pandora and her box thrown in for good measure.

Plus, we debut a new segment: "The Dan Scrolls," in which former guest Dan Cassino (@dancassino) tells us all about the actual history and mythology that Xena brushes up against, none of which actually appears in the episode.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jan 17, 2017

Were you ever confused about the definition of a breast dagger and/or the appropriate time to use one? Have you ever been wracked with guilt over the lasting damage caused by throwing a rock into a river? Have you ever wondered if facing off against your evil past-self would mean actually fighting yourself or just your own stunt double? Have you ever needed to report a dead highwayman, but just didn't know how? Did you ever want to know just how historically accurate Xena Warrior Princess was? Well, Chris and Allison are joined by special guest Dan Cassino (@dancassino) to answer these questions and many more on this latest episode of Xena Warrior Business, which focuses on Xena Warrior princess episode 3: Dreamworker.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jan 3, 2017

Chris and Allison are back on track with Xena Warrior Princess episode 2: Chariots of War, an episode that contains no war and barely any chariots. Also, it's really....... straight. Straight as an arrow. Heterosexual to the max. It's weird. Listen in as we’re joined by special guest Erin Hunter (@peachkinn) to talk about this very, very hetero episode.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Dec 20, 2016

Chris and Allison have traveled to Xena's FUTURE!!! That is, to Season 2, episode 9: A Solstice Carol. Listen, if Xena: Warrior Princess the SHOW can travel through time (spoiler alert: it does. a lot.) then so can Xena Warrior Business the PODCAST. Continuity will have to wait, because Solstice night is almost here!! The show runners didn't know how long they had left, so they decided to cram not one not two but FOUR CHRISTMAS STORIES into one episode!! Put a chakram on your tree because it's snowing in New Zealand! Listen in as we’re joined by special guest Tana Ford (@tanaford) to talk about what it was like to watch Xena while growing into your adolescence.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Dec 6, 2016

After getting through her appearances on Hercules, Chris and Allison have finally arrived at the very first episode of Xena: Warrior Princess! Listen in as we’re joined by special guest Jordan D. White to talk about the barely-subtextual text of Gabrielle, the controversy surrounding Argo’s first appearance, and why the show should actually be called Xena: Warrior Tavern Heiress

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Dec 6, 2016

Chris and Allison begin their odyssey back to a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, when a land in turmoil cried out for a hero – but before we get to all that, we’ve got to get through the three episodes of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys that introduced us to our favorite Warrior Princess. Listen in as we go through Netflix histories, crush on Callisto, and start in on a mighty podcast forged in the heat of battle! 

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

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