Psst. We heard that Jonathan had an 8 pack... that Jonathan was shredded. Oh, don't you remember Jonathan, the biblical hero of the, um, uh... children of Abraham? No? Well, you probably think giants don't exist either! That they're just taller-than-average dudes in some nice armor. Bet you didn't know about ARISTOTLE'S DEATH RAY either! Ally and Chris are joined once again by Kel McDonald (@kelhound) to psalmsplain this biblical episode and talk about everyone's favorite subject: religion!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Join us, folks, as Xena Warrior Business crosses over the line into the dark web! From Capoeira ruffians to Ally schooling two grown men on Renaissance Faire style clothing, if you love women chanting in the fields, this is the episode for you! Special guest David Isaac (@DCDariusknight) joins us as Xena gives up being a warrior for the sake of a dead brother, and offers up a brand new way to pronounce the warrior princess's name!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Vacation's over, pals, and we're back with everything you've been waiting for: MORE CENTAURS!! And yet another barely-adequate child actor who's appeared on The Tribe. Stephen Gaulin (@StephenGaulin) returns to help us as we kick back, relax, brush up on our horse anatomy, and prepare to get stoned. IXION stoned, that is! If you think giving birth to a baby ends once the baby is out, THINK AGAIN.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Well, we finally made it. It's the end of season 1, where Chris and Ally learn that you're never REALLY friends until you've both died in each other's arms. This episode has some wonderful highs, tempered by some pretty heinous lows. There's also a human woman giving birth to a centaur child, aka GIVING BIRTH TO A HORSE. There's also a post mortem on season 1, where we ask the big question: IS SEASON 1 EVEN WORTH WATCHING? There is also an original song featured at the end of this episode!!! Yes!!! It's true!!!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

This episode swaps Xena's dark past with a merely plaintive one as we get a fairly underwhelming origin story and a fairly underwhelming SECOND brother for Xena to play off of for a single episode. Chris and Ally are joined by Kelsey Buckmaster, who has never caught an arrow mid-flight but HAS shot one in half. She also shares some pretty fascinating and wholly unexpected (seriously, you'll never be able to guess!) information on actor Joseph Kell. But also, is "drumstick" a euphemism for being gay and liking dick? Please, someone tell us. Is this really a thing? Join us as we discuss Season 1 Episode 23 of Xena Warrior Princess: DEATH MASK.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

WELP. It's official. This show is officially good. Three killer episodes IN! A! ROW! Finally, we get a watershed moment for Xena coming to terms with her guilt over her [kiwi accent] dark past [/kiwi accent]. Finally, we get... CALLISTO. Chris and Ally (Yes, you read that right - Chris is back!) are joined by special guest Alastair Stephens (@paperbullets) to discuss ladders and why we need them, opposition and why it is a powerful theme, and farm jail. Oh, and Joxer shows up, too!

STAY TUNED at the end of the episode for a brand new ORIGINAL SONG recapping the episode, written and performed by Allison Stock.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

So I heard you liked Xena podcasts, so we took your Xena podcast and we put a Xena podcast on your Xena podcast. That's right, Allison is joined by Katie, Livy and Vera from XENA WARRIOR PODCAST!!! Two podcasts, both alike in dignity, in fair New Greeceland where we lay our scene. Both Xena Warrior Business and Xena Warrior Podcast started at around the same time, and we felt it was appropriate for our powers to combine for this 

In the immortal words of Stefon: this podcast has got EVERYTHING: laughter! lord seltzer! swapping bodies with a chicken! tobias menzies! all 3 different hair colors on gabrielle! cheekbones! mystery abs! xena's first time dying on screen! a new underdress for xena! did we mention LORD SELTZER!!! It's a CAN'T MISS episode for anyone who's ever wanted to listen to a Xena podcast but weren't sure where to start. But whatever you do, don't forget: XENA DID IT FIRST!

Katie (@katetocci), Vera (@hollywoodgrrl) and Livy (@ponderouslivy) run a Xena podcast of their own (@XenaWarriorPod). Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

In a special Marvel edition of the podcast, Ally is joined by Laura Kammerman (laurizzlek) and Andrea Towers (_atowers), her friends from work! The women of marvel (not sponsored by Women of Marvel) talk about how Xena was challenging gender roles in the nineties, and things get personal when it comes to abandonment, self confidence, and relating to Xena as a strong and powerful woman. You better believe that Xena is more than just a "strong female character" trope on legs. Also, both of this episode's guests have been touched by greatness, as they have met both Hudson Leick (Callisto) and Lucky goddamn Lawless herself. Tune in to hear all the juicy details!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

This is an episode of firsts for Xena. It is the first interpretation of a bible story (oh boy). It is the first time Xena and Gabrielle bathe together. It is the first (and last) time we hear anyone talk about how much kids love nut bread. It is also the first appearance of Karl Urban, this show's most prolific guest actor, in his least memorable role as Farmer With The Heart of Coal. We are joined by Kit Walker (@inferiorwit) the prolific podcast host who unfortunately has a lot of Chris and Ally's JAR BUSINESS to put up with. Nevertheless, Karl Urban is finally here, and so now the show can finally get on with being the Xena Warrior Princess that we all know and love. Oh, and also Gabrielle can talk to rocks. This episode makes it canon. IT IS REAL!!! And then Lymond gets a headache.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

It's Home Alone IV: Lost in New Greeceland! Vegetarians beware, because Ally has some beef on this Gabrielle-centric episode of Xena. We learn what "Gabby Style!" entails, and, spoiler alert, it's just hitting dudes in the crotch with sticks. For this episode, Chris and Ally got themselves and actual Irishman, Nathan Stockman (@stockmannate), an authority on red hair, to set the record straight once and for all on Gabrielle's hair color. But most important of all: my kingdom for a coverage tree!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

He wears green, he steals things, he's Robin Hood with a Greek name: AUTOLYCUS IS HERE! Lovingly portrayed by Bruce Campbell, the King of thieves breathes life into this wonderful episode with his first appearance on Xena Warrior Princess. Bonus points go to our special guest, Chad Bowers (@ChadBowers), who had two sleeping children and still managed to yodel at least six times for us. This episode contains a really good villain, a deep dive into how people got in touch before phones were invented, Allison discovering what innuendo is, lots of dumpy hats, and a dude getting lightsaber'd through the chest with a fireball. It's Season 1 Episode 17 of Xena: The Royal Couple of Thieves, and by the way, did Xena invent rock candy?

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Of all the episodes to turn upsettingly horny, Chris didn’t think this was going to be the one. Oh, well. This episode marks a return of Marcus, Xena's road not taken. Xena sees firsthand the repercussions of a life of wickedness, and that her acts of good might not actually be enough to redeem her. Also, Hades has a dog skin helmet of invisibility. We're joined by Annie Craton (@anniezard) of podcasts The Jem Jam and I Will Fight You.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Xena has many skills. Xena also has many twins. This episode introduces the first of many dopplegangers to come, with the unexpected added bonus of a side-Greg to Greg things up. Chris and Allison learn about the history of bread and cheese as a meal, along with how to be a convincing Xena (stop crying). There's a fountain phallus, there's some stuff about horses' tails, and there's the softest molotov cocktail you'll ever see. We are joined by Sailor Business all-star guest, Artlee King Vasquez (@theonlyartlee), who is a champion of humor and insight, and who refuses to take shit from both Xena Warrior Princess AND Xena Warrior Business.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

If ever there was a time to google Ambrosia Salad, now, dear listeners, is that time. Here's a question: if New Zealand is an Island, and that Island has treature on it, and Thirst Trap, Log Lady, and Tummy Palace go on a treasure hunt on New Zealand, is this episode based on Treasure Island?? Cathy Leamy (@metrokitty) joins us, bringing her expertise of Ye Olde 90's-and-early-oughts Internet, as well as a prior knowledge of having VISITED WHOOSH DOT ORG!!! Uber fic, Forever Knight and Due South are discussed, many beaded curtains are parted and walked through, and Allison finally gets sick of a joke! Search your memory tummy for clues!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Chrisicus Allisonyus, the expert critic, discusses the nature of television in those wild, syndicated, pre-streaming, pre-binging years. While network shows got regular runs and regular timeslots, syndicated television was like the wild west: unpredictable, and needing a clip show to catch viewers up to what they might have missed. We ask deep questions, like: What could Xena have done to improve the storyline if she'd been allowed to actually participate in this episode? Was Homer rushing, or was he dragging? But more importantly, is Gabrielle actually good at storytelling? The answers may surprise you! We are joined by actual bard Matt D. Wilson (@TheMattDWilson) of War Rocket Ajax and Movie Fighters podcasts. Also, this episode broke Dan Cassino! He just couldn't even.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

This week on Captive Princeness (that's Prince Business, not Princess), Chris Sims, the Prince of Podcasting, is stripped of his title, left for dead, and sent to cohost a Xena podcast with Allison Stock, the small, angry, blonde one. Actually, it's another lackluster season 1 episode of Xena. This episode has everything! Facts about comic book writers writing for 90s TV! The return of sounds courtesy of Tom's Xena Page! And let's face it, the moment you've all been waiting for: THE RETURN OF PERDICAS A.K.A. GREG!!!!!! We are also joined by self proclaimed Season 1 apologist Steve Gaulin (@ehsteve88)!!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Hello, my friends! We've got a very special episode in store for you tonight! Join us as we discuss a rare, never-before seen episode of Xena, Warrior Princess, entitled Chris [Sims] Gets Married.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

In their discussion of this very forgettable but actually pretty good episode, Chris mistakes Allison (a library of Alexandria truther) for a flat earther! Anyway... you've grown legendary! Join us to analyze this very roomy dungeon filled with very thirsty bisexuals, where justice is dealt unto those who make rape jokes swiftly and by sword-wielding ninjas. We get to meet some characters from Xena's dark past--actually, no, wait, Xena's rather nice past, actually. Also... what’s up with Gabrielle’s shitty, shitty hat? We're joined by by New Zealand accent aficionado James D’Amato (@OneShotRPG) of Campaign and the One Shot Podcast.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Hey Amazon, wanna go for a ride? We're finally in double digits all around, friends, so you know what that means. Time for Chris and Allison to behold a TRIUMPH of special effects artistry, a horse... that's also a dude. We've got a rectangle wrapped in hair (a centaur), the word of the day (tatty), and maybe the worst facial hair in the history of television. Anyway, they're women, they're horses, they're centaurs, they're men: YOU GET IT! We're joined by special guest Emma Lawson (@emmalawson), a librarian and fellow ComicAlliance friend! 

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

If ever you needed a reminder that Chris and Ally are still slogging through season one, Gabrielle throws herself at yet another shitty Greg in the second episode in a row featuring a deity chained up somewhere. Only this time, instead of resulting in everyone's untimely death, now NOBODY can die. Their levels of pain and suffering may vary, but one fact remains: that this episode should probably have been called Death in CHAIR. So, come. Sit. Enjoy a sumptuous feast of earthly delights.

We are joined by Elle Collins (@AnotherElle)!!! An expert in podcasting, they raise interesting points (queer people love Xena!) and ask tough questions (does Xena actually have super powers??). Elle, you remain the best.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

It's the crossover you demanded--or at least, somebody demanded it and we know it wasn't us--as Hercules and Iolaus join up with Xena and Gabrielle for an adventure of... TITANIC proportions. Get it? GET IT? 

That's right, everyone, Xena and Hercules have to rescue Prometheus, and along the way, Kel McDonald (@kellhound) joins us to talk about Gabby's role as a consolation prize in the show's least believable romance, sexy oracles that look like Artemis from IASIP, and Xena's greatest challenge: Twitter Eggs! Plus, you'll find out what ABDL means, because if we have to know it, so do you.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Good Morning! Good Night! Athens! Make sure you're pronouncing that correctly so that you can wake up the newest episode of Xena Warrior Business! Christa Rodriguez (@PaleAngelLex) joins Allison and Chris for Xena Season 1, Episode 7: "The Titans," featuring a plot in which Gabrielle's virginity is literally more important than the person the show is named for.  Listen in as we discuss the slow evolution of the characters into what they're meant to be and introduce our readers to the Sensational Character Find of 2017: Crystal Rose of Athens! Also, please be sure to let us know if our new segment - Xena's ASMR Corner - ticks all your boxes with regards to that special tingly ASMR feeling!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness