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Xena Warrior Business

A mighty podcast forged in the heat of conversation. Xena Warrior Princess fans Chris Sims and Allison Stock and the occasional guest convenes every other week to watch every episode of the iconic nineties show and analyze what made it so endearing. The power, the passion, the danger... this podcast will change the world.
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Xena Warrior Business
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Jul 3, 2020

This fortnight Chris and Ally talk about Locked Up and Tied Down, the horniest name for the least horny episode of Xena Warrior Princess. The show keeps forgetting its stance on murder. Sometimes, it’s the worst thing a person could do, while other times it’s just a fun thing to joke about while killing time. In any case, this episode says murder is bad, because Xena is arrested for murder, and just kinda goes with it.

Will she survive her life sentence on Shark Island prison? Can crabs really devour an adult human body? Find out on our latest episode: CRAB ISLAND! (also, for a fun drinking game, take a shot every time Ally says “Shark Island”, but please don’t blame us for any hangovers!)

We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 4 Episode 7: Locked Up and Tied Down

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allyspock. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jun 19, 2020

No good has ever come from a dance. If you've seen Footloose, you can probably skip this episode of Xena, but don't skip this episode of Xena Warrior Business! Wannabe dictator Shitty Steve is running a dead-end town into the ground, and Tara (arguably one of the worst characters on Xena) wants to help them legalize dancing. The burnin'... The yearnin'... this podcast will change the world of dance!

We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 4 Episode 6: A Tale of Two Muses

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

May 22, 2020

Maybe she’s born with it — maybe it’s helmetrey! In these unprecedented times, Chris and Ally find themselves at an impasse, with Chris bemoaning this episode’s redundancy while Ally revels in its status as a major turning point. This episode serves to remind us that Julius Caesar is still a threat, and also serves up many set pieces for Karl Urban to chew on. Is stabbing the homies gay? Listen to find out!

We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 4 Episode 5: A Good Day

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

May 8, 2020

"Within us all there are two Kevin Sorbos. It's terrible." While Xena was dealing with Hope, Hercules was dealing with Dahak. Chris and Ally promised they would never go back to the dark place that is Hercules the Legendary Journeys, but unfortunately, if they want to fully wrap up the Dahak arc, they're going to have to break that promise. Please forgive these humble, mohawked podcasters. Chris and Ally have a coincidence, Iaolus learns about the trolley problem, Bruce Campbell shows off how well-versed he is at horror, and Ally displays her uncanny ability to recognize any minor actor from Attack of the Clones.

We watched Redemption, Season 5 Episode 11 of Hercules the Legendary Journeys.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allyspock. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

May 1, 2020

Windmills, how do they work? After realizing that Gabrielle is alive, Xena returns to Potidea to find her, but stumbles across a rubber suit monster instead. Classic Raimi vibes are very high in this episode, Chris and Ally partake in an ethical discussion on the subject of linear time, and Lila is there too I guess.

We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 4 Episode 3: A Family Affair

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Apr 17, 2020

That awkward moment when you think you've traveled to a mystical land but actually you just went to Russia... so relatable. In the strangest and most controversial episode to date, Xena proves to have no real agency or autonomy in her own life. Despite telling a very interesting story about Xena's past (back in season 3), the show seems hell-bent on retconning all of it so they can shove Alti into the storyline. Chris says it best: "I don't know why much of this is happening... which I think is probably a flaw."

We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 4 Episode 1: Adventures in the Sin Trade, part 2

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Apr 3, 2020

We're sorry, Xena, but your Gabby is in another underworld! Season 4 starts off with a weird bang, setting the tone of cultural appropriation that will wreak havoc on the rest of the season. Xena skitches into Amazon heaven to find her dead friend, and instead uncovers the evil plot of a dark figure from her dark past. Aka, tldr, not only was Xena a bloodthirsty warlord hell-bent on world domination; she was also corrupted by an evil witch!

We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 4 Episode 1: Adventures in the Sin Trade, part 1

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Mar 27, 2020

We promised Jack, so you get Jack! Chris and Ally discuss episode 2 of Jack of All Trades (a lesser known action pack show starring Sam Raimi's golden boy, Xena's own Bruce Campbell): Sex and the Single Spy. Now that the status quo has been fully established, the show starts to stretch its legs, doubling down on the Scarlet Pimpernel hijinks and also turning out some very funny jokes, actually. We also take take a not-so-deep dive into the world of Jack of All Trades fanfiction.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allyspock. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Mar 20, 2020

Coming to you live from quarantine, Chris and Ally jump forward to possibly the sickest episode of the entire show. It just felt right. After all the trials and tribulations of Dahak and Hope, it's nice to have a more realistic situation to deal with: Xena's got lice, Gabrielle's got a fungus, and Joxer's radish stew gave them both the shits.

This episode was so gross that even Chris, a self proclaimed Renee O'Connor stan, found himself questioning his chioces.  Remember: even the nasties have to eat.

We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 4 Episode 4: In Sickness and In Hell

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Mar 6, 2020

In our last episode of Xena Warrior Princess season 3, Chris and Ally discuss ceiling shields as an architectural staple. Hope has hatched from her cocoon and there is havoc to be wreaked. Also, please congratulate Gabrielle, she's going to be a grandma! Your hosts also give their final thoughts on the third season, which is to say: season 3 is dead, long live season 4!

We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 3 Episode 21: Sacrifice Part 2

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Feb 21, 2020

Please don’t be too disaPPOINTED!!!, but Chris and Ally had to watch two more hercules episodes before they could finish season 3 of Xena. Anyway at least you get to learn what a mumfence is, and witness the delivery of one of the most iconic line deliveries in all of television! Season 3, Episode 21.5 is here: THE GOOD EPISODE HOLE.

We talk about Hercules the Legendary Journeys, season 4 Episodes 13 & 14: Armageddon Now parts 1 and 2.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jan 31, 2020

On this episode of Gourmet Makes, Claire Saffitz attempts to make a human sacrifice to the goddess. As we enter the final arc of Season 3, Chris and Ally are joined by special guest Alex Reulofs (@AquaMoon1792). In a plan to make new-greeceland great again, an army of the ignorant decides to bring on the end of the world by reviving Dakah's daughter... GABRIELLE'S daughter Hope. Hudson Leick is also back and doing the absolute most.

We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 3 Episode 21: Sacrifice Part 1

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jan 24, 2020

In lieu of having to watch and talk about hercules the legendary journey anymore, Chris and Ally decide to skip forward in time into something a little more... revolutionary! Jack of All Trades was a lesser known action pack show, and starred Sam Raimi's golden boy, Xena's own Bruce Campbell. It's the Scarlet Pimpernel/Gilmore Girls mashup that nobody really asked for or remembers, but there's always room in our hearts for just some unapologetically dumb swashbuckling hijinks.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jan 17, 2020

This episode was just fine, but apparently the creative team involved HATED it. Feast your ears on (the analysis of) a performance that makes Lucy Lawless cringe to this day! Ally and Chris reunite for their first episode of the new year to figure out the difference between stealing, taking and hiding. Plus, Xena almost does some racial profiling!

We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 3 Episode 20: Vanishing Act

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Dec 20, 2019

This episode took Chris's love of Autolycus and Ally's love of boat stuff and SPAT IN OUR FACES. A fuckboy, a toothman and a slave owner walk into a boat. What do you get? A boring, pretty useless episode where the only joy seemed to come from Lucy Lawless sending wet cabbages floating past Renee O'connor.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Dec 6, 2019

Ally is wrist-deep in a bass, and Chris has drowned in his own reflection. In this manic one-off episode, Aphrodite steals the north star and our heroes find themselves OBSESSED with different subjects of extreme inconvenience. Come on, listeners! Let's get wet!!! (Please appreciate our specialness)

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Nov 22, 2019

Despite taking the time to proactively overcome her issues in multiple episodes now, Gabrielle seems to be struggling once again with the memory of her past misdeeds. Enchanted breasts and selective memory loss run rampant in this otherwise tedious clip show, which actually feels quite erotic on paper despite falling short in the execution. Considering what the show still has in store for Gabrielle, it feels valid enough to rehash her backstory. But was the least erotic sponge bath scene in television history really necessary?

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Nov 8, 2019

Chris and Ally both survived their respective plane rides, so now they get to talk about an episode that is the most dear to us in all the world. It's 'When in Rome,' with stellar costumes, a surprising amount of historical accuracy, and a weird amount of rope bondage, for some reason. You also get Ally's choice Hugo Weaving impression, while Chris spills the tea on one-third of the Roman empire's fraught triumvirate. Also, Xena has to go to the bathroom...

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Oct 24, 2019

Joxer, aka a "little nothing boy", is beaten within an inch of his life by a shady casino mogul. Sounds like a great set-up for some heist hijinks and absolute tomfoolery! Chris and Ally learn that gambling is bad actually, but more importantly, Ally, like Joxer, gets herself ENTIRELY bamboozled! (it's really embarassing.)

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Oct 11, 2019

After the high point that was The Bitter Suite, the decline of Xena Warrior Princess continues with FORGIVENESS, an episode that is almost as bad as the dreadlocks/mullet wig combo that it features. Does forgiveness come from within, or does it come from within one specific urn? Chris finally admits that Gabrielle is blonde (you have to hear it to believe it), and the show itself seems to have either forgotten its recent musical episode all about the catharsis of forgiveness, or maybe just retconned it entirely.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Sep 27, 2019

This episode exists, for some reason, but Chris and Ally aren't really sure why. It hits all the emotional beats of a good episode of Xena, but its place in the timeline makes it feel downright vestigial. Also, is it finally time to cancel Hercules?

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Aug 30, 2019

Y'all ready for some Tarot business or what? Xena and Gabrielle's rift has come to a head, things can't possibly get any worse, so the only way out is through. Through SONG, that is! Ally and Chris never dreamed that they'd be distanced by a mutual love and appreciation for THE BITTER SUITE, the iconic musical and very tarot-heavy episode of Xena Warrior Princess.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Aug 16, 2019

After a slew of wacky hijinks episodes with zany fun and kooky jokes, it's time to get sad. Xena takes us back to uncanny valley, aka centaur hell, and not even Callisto can make this better. The Dan Scroll is bleak, the episode itself is bleak, and, spoiler alert, Ally cries in this one. What a way to spend Chris's birthday!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Aug 2, 2019

In a totally significant turn of events, Gabrielle finds herself writing her Xena fanfiction on an enchanted scroll! This episode channels some serious Amelia Bedelia energy as absolute hijinks ensue. Outsmarting the monkey's paw of a magic scroll sure is fun to think about, if not incredibly difficult to actually comprehend. Anyway... TO THE CAVES with you!

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

Jul 19, 2019

Praise Hestia, it's a new episode! If season 2 was the good season, season 3 has got to be the NICE season. This episode gives us 3 Xenas, barely any Gabrielle, and a Joxer that fucks???? I'm sorry. We're still processing it ourselves.

Follow us on twitter: @XenaWarriorBiz This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by @barelysushi. The Dan Scrolls by @dancassino. Podcast edited by @allystawk. Support us on patreon at www.patreon.com/sailorbusiness

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